What if I do not know what to say when I pray?

PrayerIn theological review

The short answer

If you do not know what to say, you are in the exact situation Paul describes, and the Holy Spirit helps by interceding for you when words run out. You are also not left wordless: God has given a whole book of prayers in the Psalms, and Jesus gave a pattern prayer when his disciples asked to be taught. Start with their words, and let your own follow as they come.

The fuller answer

First, hear this plainly: not knowing what to say is not a spiritual failure, and it is not unusual. Paul writes to ordinary believers, not beginners, and says we do not know what to pray for as we ought. The gap you feel at the start of prayer, staring at a ceiling with a crowded heart and an empty mouth, is the normal Christian experience he had in view. You have not found a defect in yourself. You have found the place where the Bible says help is standing ready.

In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know how we ought to pray, but the Spirit Himself intercedes for us with groans too deep for words.

Romans 8:26 (BSB)

The help is personal. The Spirit himself intercedes for God's people with groanings too deep for words, and the Father who searches hearts knows the Spirit's mind, because the Spirit intercedes in line with God's will. That means a prayer time can be real prayer even when it feels like silence, sighing and one repeated sentence. God is not scoring your sentences. While you struggle to speak to him, he is, in a mystery, already speaking for you, and what he says on your behalf is exactly right.

And He who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints according to the will of God.

Romans 8:27 (BSB)

You are also given words to borrow, and borrowing them is an honourable old practice. The Psalms are God's own prayer book, prayers for joy, guilt, fear, sickness, enemies and thanksgiving, and reading one slowly and making its lines your own is praying, fully and truly. The disciples once watched Jesus pray and asked him to teach them, and his answer became the Lord's Prayer. Nobody outgrows given words. They are training wheels some days and a wheelchair on the worst days, and both are gifts.

One day in a place where Jesus had just finished praying, one of His disciples requested, “Lord, teach us to pray, just as John taught his disciples.”

Luke 11:1 (BSB)

Try this when the blankness comes. Open a psalm, read a few lines, and answer God about them in your own plain words, even if that is only a sentence about your day. Then sit quietly for a moment without treating silence as failure. Tell a trusted friend or pastor that prayer feels hard just now, and let them pray aloud for you while you listen and agree. Words usually return slowly, like strength after illness. Until they do, groan, borrow and be carried. That counts.

Sources

Berean Standard Bible (BSB)

Review status: in-theological-review. Every Contend page passes a human theological review against the Statement of Faith before it is published as approved teaching. This section is in that queue.

Dig deeper

No answer here is a dead end. Follow the question on, test it in practice, or work the method yourself on the Dig deeper page.

How should I pray?Simply, honestly, and to the Father, in the pattern Jesus gave. His own prayer starts with God's name, kingdom, and will, and only then asks for daily bread, forgiveness, and protection. Prayer is not a performance or a formula. It is talking to a Father who sees in secret, at whatever length the moment actually needs.Should we copy the Lord's Prayer word for word?No, you do not have to copy it word for word, because Jesus gave it as a pattern when he said to pray in this way, but praying it word for word is also good and has a long history in the church. Use it both ways: learn its shape for your own words, and say its words themselves when you need them.Can I pray silently in my head?Yes, you can pray silently in your head, and God hears it, because prayer is speaking to God and God knows the heart without needing volume. Hannah prayed in the temple with her lips moving and no sound, and God answered her. Silent prayer is how believers pray on buses, in meetings and at bedsides, and Scripture treats it as real prayer.Is it wrong to doubt when I pray?No, feeling doubt when you pray is not a sin that disqualifies you, and one of the most honest prayers in the Bible is a father's cry that he believes and needs help with his unbelief at the same time. James warns against a divided, double-minded way of asking that never really comes to God at all. Bring the doubt itself to God, out loud, rather than waiting until it disappears before you pray.Bible Character: PaulThe Pharisee who persecuted the church until the risen Jesus stopped him on the Damascus road, and who became his apostle to the Gentiles, travelling the Roman world and writing many of the New Testament letters.Bible Character: JesusThe Son of God, born of Mary in Bethlehem, who preached the kingdom of God, was crucified for our sins according to the Scriptures, and was raised on the third day.